its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
