Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
