I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
