I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
