So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
