I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
