At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
