I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i think i have two assholes
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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