WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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