had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
