Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
