Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
