YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
