im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
