I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm going to jail i love you
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
