Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
