i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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