I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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