I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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