can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
