hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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