Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
