He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My bed smells like the plague
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
