Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
