So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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