You're my little dorito
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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