apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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