Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
