he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
