Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
