The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
