I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
