YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
