we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
