Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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