I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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