it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
