We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
