White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
