I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
