Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
