Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
