I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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