I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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