Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
