the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
