dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
