I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
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They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
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If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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