So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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