Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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