I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
