My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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