So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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