omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
