Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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