He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
