if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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