GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
