he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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