I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
