There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
