Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
