Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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