the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
God, I missed his penis.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
