M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
