I want to have your abortion
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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