well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
